Movie Scoop: Wolverine Script Excerpt

Thanks to certain inside connections we have at a local copy shop frequented by many Hollywood players, we at the Scooperette are able to get our hands on some very hot screenplays before any other sites. In fact, just this morning our agent on the inside managed to secure for us six pages from one of the most sought after scripts in Hollywood. Hot on the heels of the success of this year's X-Men 3, 20th Century Fox has put the untitled Wolverine spin-off on the fast track to production. We at the Scooperette are delighted to give you the exclusive first look at what will no doubt be a monster hit.


It's clear, even from reading just these six pages, that they are taking a very different approach with this movie than they have with the previous X-Men films. The attitude is much more hip and in-your-face, which is sure to be popular with younger audiences. This new direction is exemplified most by the script's mysterious screenwriter. Described by our source as, "young. Like really young. I thought he was like 14 but I guess he'd have to be older than that if he works for the studio like he said." When contacted, the studio was uncooperative and refused to reveal the identity of this writer, going so far as to deny he exists (I guess this is just a magic script that wrote itself, HA!).

GHOST
That is why you must avenge my death!

DR. WRAITH
I understand father, I will avenge your death by building a huge robot to hunt down the mutants! I will call them… Sentinels!

INT. NIGHTCLUB - NIGHT

We're in a really cool nightclub and there are lights flashing and really cool music, (anything but the Black Eyed Peas yuck!) and there's a french looking guy DJing at the turntables. His name is DJ GAMBIT

DJ GAMBIT
(yells into the microphone)
Is everyone having a good time mon amies!

EVERYONE
Yeah we are!

Just then one of the big windows smashes open and a man on a motorcycle comes flying through. He does a backflip off the motorbike and the bike goes crashing to the floor and all the ravers jump out of the way and yell and stuff. The man lands on his feet and stands up and we see it's WOLVERINE.

DJ GAMBIT
Hey what's the big idea mon ami?

WOLVERINE
Come out where I can see you Magneto! I know your in here!

MAGNETO
Very clever Wolverine or should I say Logan! How did you find me at this night club establishment?

WOLVERINE
Easy Magneto, I bought this compass and since you're magnetic I just followed where it pointed. Right to you!

MAGNETO
I see Wolverine. I doubt your compass will do any good in here!

WOLVERINE
Why is that!

MAGNETO
Don't you notice something strange about this place Logan?

WOLVERINE
Hmmm... these are no ordinary ravers.

MAGNETO
That's right Wolverine, they are VAMPIRES!

And then Magneto flew away through the window and Wolverine was surrounded by ravers that were all showing their fangs.

WOLVERINE
Oh man I feel like I'm having a flashback! (because Wolverine was in Van Helsing)

DJ GAMBIT
Holy crap! Vampires at my rave! Hey mon ami do you need help?

WOLVERINE
Yeah thanks!

DJ GAMBIT
Oui mon ami!

WOLVERINE
Hey fangface! I've seen grandmas that are tougher than you!

VAMPIRE
Oh yeah what's your power? Crying for your mommy?

WOLVERINE
No way you want to see my power I'll show you!

And then Wolverine made his claws come out. The vampires looked surprised for a second but then they look mean again. Wolverine runs at the vampires and starts stabbing them with his claws. When he stabs them they turn into ashes like in Blade.

DJ GAMBIT
Hey mon ami are those claws adamantium? Vampires are weak against adamantium just like silver mon ami!

WOLVERINE
I know

DJ Gambit picked up a record album from his turntable and it started to glow and he threw it at a vampire like a Frisbee and it exploded! And then he threw a bunch more at other vampires and they all exploded too.

WOLVERINE
Whoah what's going on? Those are some hot albums you got there.

DJ GAMBIT
Yeah mon ami that's my mutant power. I make things glow and blow up when I throw them. I discovered it when I was 16 and a robber came into my house and I was home alone and I threw a book at the robber to scare him away but he exploded and I never told anyone about it because I didn't want anyone to treat me like I was different mon ami.

And then Wolverine kicked a vampire in the face and spun around and sliced it in half with his claws and then this girl vampire wearing a pink hat came up to him and he stabbed her with his claws and she died too. Then Wolverine stuck out his arms and started spinning around really fast and everytime a vampire tried to attack him they got chopped up.

DJ GAMBIT
Phew that was some fight mon ami.

WOLVERINE
Yeah, where's Buffy the Vampire Slayer when you need her right?

DJ GAMBIT
Look out behind you mon!

WOLVERINE
Oh no! A vampire grabbed me from behind!

SARDOTH
My name is Sardoth the vampire and I'm going to suck your blood Logan!

Wolverine tried to stab Sardoth the vampire but he was holding onto him in a way so his claws couldn't reach him to stab him.

WOLVERINE
DJ Gambit! You have to throw an exploding record at Sardoth to save me! Don't worry about blowing me up because I have an adamantium skeleton!

DJ GAMBIT
But I'm all out of records mon ami! There's nothing left for me to throw and save you!

WOLVERINE
What about that pack of cards on that table over there?

DJ Gambit looked over at the pack of cards sorrowfully.

DJ GAMBIT
I'm sorry mon ami, I can't. You see, I used to have a gambling addiction. One fateful night during a high stakes poker game I got four aces and I bet everything I had... my job, my house, my family. There was no way I could lose, I thought. But I was wrong. The mobster I was playing against got a royal flush and beat me. I lost everything that night, and I promised I'd never touch a playing card again in my life mon ami.

WOLVERINE
You have to DJ Gambit! Or else I'll become a vampire and my DNA combined with the vampire virus will create the strongest vampire on Earth and I will suck the blood of every living thing on Earth! Including you!

DJ GAMBIT
You're right Wolverine! I have to let the past go! TAKE THIS, MON VAMPIRE AMI!

And then DJ Gambit picked up the pack of cards and threw four cards at Sardoth the vampire and the camera follows the cards flying through the air in slow motion and you can see the four cards are the ace of hearts, the ace of diamonds, the ace of clubs and the ace of spades and then the cards go right into Sardoth's mouth right before he's about to bite on Wolverine's neck and then his whole head explodes.

WOLVERINE
Phew that was close. I was almost a vampire snack!

DJ GAMBIT
I can't believe there were vampires in my rave and I didn't know it mon ami. I guess I get too wrapped up in spinning that I don't care about anything else.

WOLVERINE
That's no way to live your life.

DJ GAMBIT
You're right Logan mon ami. Maybe I should give up spinning for good.

WOLVERINE
I'm going on a journey to find my true origin. You should come with me.

DJ GAMBIT
That sounds cool mon ami. Hey, maybe one last song, what do you say mon ami?

WOLVERINE
Okay!

And then DJ Gambit did a backflip and puts on a cool record. Then Wolverine picks up a microphone and starts rapping into it.

WOLVERINE
(rapping)
Yo Yo Yo!
My name is Logan and I got claws
I bust rhymes without no pause
When I’m through with you

As anyone who reads this can see, it's an unapologetic, no-holds-barred take on the source material. As long as the studio keeps their meddling fingers out of this project and lets the visionaries do their thing, next summer could be an exciting time to be a movie-goer.